Hazard of Self Improvement?

Life is better.

I no longer hate my job.  I changed job.  Now I rather enjoy my job.

I live a little cleaner.  I don’t get stoned any more.  It started to seem redundant and so I gave it up.

I still drink a fair amount, but in better situations and I always have liked a party.

I have a delightful man who is almost as depraved as I am and already knows me more and accepts me better than most.  We love.  Which is not just to say we are in love, though we are, but more that we actively love each other from the heart.  This is new to me and has proved to be a rewarding way to have a relationship.  Its honest and I like it.

I have done things that I will remember forever in the last few months.  Seen bands.  Read books.  Held my niece for the first time.  It has fed my bruised soul immensely.

I am a better friend, not perfect but better than I was.

So its all on the up.

Why am I still waiting for the crash?  Is it experience? Paranoia perhaps?  Or is it just an inevitable side effect of happiness?

Answers please on a postcard.


One thought on “Hazard of Self Improvement?

  1. I know what you mean. Experience teaches us the bad rules louder and harder than the good rules, so we expect the bad stuff and assume the good stuff is transitory, unlikely, unprecedented. Maybe the postcard is the answer. We need to learn to give off, to ourselves and our friends and strangers, the message: “Having a wonderful time. You just wish you were here!”

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